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Monthly Archives: January 2014

Something I Won’t Forget

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I guess lots of people that I know were wondering why I didn’t post anything for HYDE’s birthday yesterday. I wanted to post a birthday greeting for him online but I was too tired, I read instead. FYI, I didn’t forget his birthday, and that’s something I won’t forget. Someone who made an impact in my life. Someone who became a part of my life. Someone who has a special part in my heart. HYDE. Some may think, “Eew, he’s already 45 years old.” LOL. Yes, He’s already 45 years old. He inspired me a lot with the songs he wrote in L’Arc~en~Ciel and in VAMPS. He’s the vocalist for both bands. His voice never runs out of… beauty? I can’t describe it. His voice is so good. He’s one of these rock-band vocalists that has an overwhelming voice. I’ve been a fangirl since I’m 12 years old. Now, I’m 18 and still in love with this guy.

Hyde’s one of those people that I really NEED and WANT to meet in person. A friend-slash-blockmate of mine kept telling me that I deserve to meet my “biases”. HAHA. Oh well, if it’s God’s will, go on. But I’m really praying that I’ll meet them… especially HYDE.

TO HYDE:

Belated happy happy birthday to you! I really love you, but Megumi-san loves you more (and God loves you the most!). Hooray~ I’m so thankful to God that He gave you another year to inspire more people through your music. I hope that we’ll meet someday. And hey, please stop smoking (if possible). 😦 But I’m not imposing it to you.

Again, belated happy birthday to you!

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Don’t Allow Enablers

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“Most people will tell you what you want to hear not because they’re bad people, but because they want to recruit you in their circle of approval and self-wallowing.”

Ouch. That’s me.

J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain, Skeptical Christian

If someone eggs you on in your anger or validates your self-pity: please extract yourself out of there. Find someone else. I’ve made this mistake too many times, when I should’ve heard from a friend who rebuked me towards grace and forgiveness and the hard truth about myself. No one should ever purposefully move you into more bitterness nor affirm your prideful isolation. I’ve seen guys who were puffed up this way over time and they’re hardly tolerable now.

Most people will tell you what you want to hear not because they’re bad people, but because they want to recruit you in their circle of approval and self-wallowing. This means they will tickle your ego: and you’ll be tempted to go back there.

They need grace too, so be courteous and nod along and love them just as much as the next guy. But please don’t fall for yes-men. Find…

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Quote: Love Them

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RandoMe

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This will be another personal and random blog post so don’t expect this to be something juicy like my previous posts… if they really were that juicy.

It’s been weeks since I last posted in my blog again. 😦 Sorry if you’re waiting for my blog posts and have nothing to post here. I have a lot of reasons, but.. Reasons are reasons. They show that if you give lots of reasons, it’s because you really don’t want to post. Okay, at times I’m so lazy to post here. But most of the time, I don’t know how to fix my thoughts and connect all of them. That’s how my posts are usually done, though (from how I see it). I can think logically about something, but I can’t explain my thoughts. I can’t turn my thoughts into words very well, and that’s what I hope to develop for myself through class reports and recitations (but I usually get really nervous).

I apologize if I won’t be able to post here for  awhile since I’ll surely be busy for the next few weeks. But I’ll find time to post here some day soon. 😀 Anyway, I want to share with you what’s happening with me recently.

It’s cool that I’m happily seeking God in my life again! I’m starting with little steps towards God. I’m going back to the basics again though it’s hard for me to read the Bible itself (so I usually read a book that has something to do with Christianity and God to read the Bible passages cited within its pages). I’m currently reading Susana Foth Aughtmon’s book, “All I Need Is Jesus And A Good Pair of Jeans” (three more chapters to go) and Aviad Kleinberg’s “7 Deadly Sins”. The latter is so deep with regards to the thoughts of the author. It’s a good-read for me so far (I’m still in Chapter 3).

I think that’s it for this blog post. God bless! Thank you for reading my random blog post + mini recent-stories.

2014’s First Day

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This picture is not mine!

This picture is not mine!

January 01, 2014 and I cried half the day.

Do you know that feeling when you can’t stop crying over something, then starts thinking over a lot of things and cries over everything without you knowing? That’s what I’m feeling now. I still can’t stop crying because of a mix of emotions within me.

I became too fed up with one aspect of people: being judgmental. I know that it is wrong to judge and that you won’t be judged unless you did something for people to judge what you did or said but in the first place, “IT IS WRONG TO JUDGE“. I myself isn’t excused. I also judge. I am not exempted. I admit it. Unconsciously, I judge people too. And I also make the excuse: “Well, he/she is doing/saying something for him/her to be judged.” We don’t have the right to judge, anyway. We also make mistakes in some other way. Only He Who’s perfect has the right to judge us.

I cried everything to God in the van as my family and I went home from our relative’s house. I vented my anger towards God. Of course, I cried because I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart’s full of rage and sadness towards the people I care about when suddenly, God taught me a lesson:

“Never play with people’s emotions.”

I experienced it. It’s as if people were playing with what I really feel. We really have to be careful and think before speaking or doing something; whether it may be online or in real-life situations. I felt like you’d simply laugh over what you really feel yet deep inside, you’re screaming, “Please stop it. It’s getting too offensive.” I must admit that I take a lot of jokes very seriously. I even cry over some of those. I am aware that it’s a joke but most of the times, it gives a pang of hurt and offense in my heart.

Emotions are very dangerous. They can control you as a person. That’s why we need to have self-control to be able to control it; not overcoming us. About emotions, it’s cool that a lot of people have been opening up to me lately (5 people to be exact, and yes, they’re many for me). They’re not much of a close friend of mine but they chose to open up to me. I thank God for that. I realized that behind people’s courage, boldness, strength, happiness, joy, and laughter is a broken, sad, lonely, depressed and lost soul. I saw how people really need God in their lives.

As I cried to God, I noticed that it was my first cry over Him. Faith really helps us see the invisible (Heb. 11:1). I was comforted. I believe that He’s listening to me. I’m not crazy. Well, maybe yes because “Love makes us do crazy things”. Haha. God also taught me another thing, similar with what I typed in my post, “2013” (https://whoismaria.wordpress.com/2013/12/27/2013/):

“You need to understand people no matter what, even if they’re too annoying for you. Love is unfair. Learn “empathy”.”

God has been so patient with us. God has been so gracious towards us. He may know everything about us, from our deepest hidden sin in our hearts to our craziness but He loves us anyway. We may look very dirty as how we view ourselves but God views us differently; God views us “through a lens of mercy, love and compassion” (I forgot where I read this). And He keeps whispering, “You are loved, *insert your name here!”

Cheer up! Focus on God. Our identity is found only in Him.

P.S.: Sorry if this blog post became too random (?). It became a bit random for me because of a petty mix of ideas as I cried to God earlier.