January 01, 2014 and I cried half the day.
Do you know that feeling when you can’t stop crying over something, then starts thinking over a lot of things and cries over everything without you knowing? That’s what I’m feeling now. I still can’t stop crying because of a mix of emotions within me.
I became too fed up with one aspect of people: being judgmental. I know that it is wrong to judge and that you won’t be judged unless you did something for people to judge what you did or said but in the first place, “IT IS WRONG TO JUDGE“. I myself isn’t excused. I also judge. I am not exempted. I admit it. Unconsciously, I judge people too. And I also make the excuse: “Well, he/she is doing/saying something for him/her to be judged.” We don’t have the right to judge, anyway. We also make mistakes in some other way. Only He Who’s perfect has the right to judge us.
I cried everything to God in the van as my family and I went home from our relative’s house. I vented my anger towards God. Of course, I cried because I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart’s full of rage and sadness towards the people I care about when suddenly, God taught me a lesson:
“Never play with people’s emotions.”
I experienced it. It’s as if people were playing with what I really feel. We really have to be careful and think before speaking or doing something; whether it may be online or in real-life situations. I felt like you’d simply laugh over what you really feel yet deep inside, you’re screaming, “Please stop it. It’s getting too offensive.” I must admit that I take a lot of jokes very seriously. I even cry over some of those. I am aware that it’s a joke but most of the times, it gives a pang of hurt and offense in my heart.
Emotions are very dangerous. They can control you as a person. That’s why we need to have self-control to be able to control it; not overcoming us. About emotions, it’s cool that a lot of people have been opening up to me lately (5 people to be exact, and yes, they’re many for me). They’re not much of a close friend of mine but they chose to open up to me. I thank God for that. I realized that behind people’s courage, boldness, strength, happiness, joy, and laughter is a broken, sad, lonely, depressed and lost soul. I saw how people really need God in their lives.
As I cried to God, I noticed that it was my first cry over Him. Faith really helps us see the invisible (Heb. 11:1). I was comforted. I believe that He’s listening to me. I’m not crazy. Well, maybe yes because “Love makes us do crazy things”. Haha. God also taught me another thing, similar with what I typed in my post, “2013” (https://whoismaria.wordpress.com/2013/12/27/2013/):
“You need to understand people no matter what, even if they’re too annoying for you. Love is unfair. Learn “empathy”.”
God has been so patient with us. God has been so gracious towards us. He may know everything about us, from our deepest hidden sin in our hearts to our craziness but He loves us anyway. We may look very dirty as how we view ourselves but God views us differently; God views us “through a lens of mercy, love and compassion” (I forgot where I read this). And He keeps whispering, “You are loved, *insert your name here!”
Cheer up! Focus on God. Our identity is found only in Him.
P.S.: Sorry if this blog post became too random (?). It became a bit random for me because of a petty mix of ideas as I cried to God earlier.