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(Almost) Three Months

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via 1000 Things to be Grateful for in Life (http://bit.ly/2A14YGP)

via 1000 Things to be Grateful for In Life (http://bit.ly/2A14YGP)

I just want to start this post with a greeting: Happy Thanksgiving Day! I didn’t realize it until I checked my phone calendar because it has US holidays saved. And the feature image is a coincidence as I only chanced to save it from Google images via 1000 Things to be Grateful for in Life, a blog, too. 😀 Now back to my original post…

The thought may be cliché but I really do not know how to start this blog post. After two years, I decided to post here again. I have been thinking what to post, but because I haven’t been online in my Facebook account for almost 3 months, I thought it would be good to post my thoughts here again. Being away for three months on Facebook is not a long time but when you get used to being online every day for hours, you know how long it feels.

Let me start with my apologies. I am sorry. If you are one of my friends reading this, and you felt I’ve abandoned you because I haven’t replied to you through Facebook as that is the only way to reach out to me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I also felt selfish for being away from Facebook, not even posting something at my wall, telling you that I will be away I do not know for how long. But know this: I have been itching to ask how you’re doing—if you’re well, if you’re having problems, if you’re having a good time with your life now. I couldn’t stand not asking my friends how they’re doing because I’m afraid to be forgotten. I’m afraid that they might think I do not care. I’m afraid that they might think I am such a bad friend. I am not even a good friend, I think. I have my own flaws, anyway. But thank you if you think otherwise.

I am sorry for feeling so afraid if I cannot reply to group chats right away. I sometimes feel unwanted in a group; as if my opinions won’t matter so I’d choose to keep myself away. And I am sorry for not responding quickly. Sometimes I’d get too anxious seeing who sent me a message, especially if it’s someone I haven’t talked to for a long time.

Being away from Facebook, I felt like I did not exist within those span of months. I felt like I did not exist in the “digital world” where everybody goes day in and day out. It felt like I have been left out of some people’s lives just being offline because Facebook equates their lives.

It’s also somehow sad to see how people depend on Facebook nowadays. It’s hard saying this as I am thinking on how to actually communicate to my relatives and friends abroad without Facebook (WE HAVE E-MAILS! But Facebook, of course, is easier and more accessible…?). I am also thinking on how to promote your businesses/projects without Facebook. So, really, being dependent on Facebook is not an issue, I guess. But what’s bad is that when it comes to social gatherings, when you are finally face to face with the people you’re socializing with online, it gets a bit awkward already. Maybe that’s the bad thing about being online all the time: you tend to lose the art of listening and/or oral communication because now, you’re the best in communicating through typewritten words, not to mention through emojis, too.

I know I still have tons of reasons to apologize for, but they seem to get lost somewhere in my brain when I start typing my thoughts for this post. So let me now start with my gratitude! For those who still send me texts messages and really make the effort to know my number, thank you. For those who send me messages on Twitter (because it’s my go-to social media account aside from Facebook wehehehe), thank you very much! Whenever a friend sends me a text message or a direct message in this time of being offline on Facebook, you don’t know how much it touches my heart that somebody is thoughtful enough to ask how I’m doing. I also feel so happy when you just simply tell me stories about your day! I’d sometimes cry (yep, I’m that sensitive) and say, “Hey! I’m okay!” because I’d realize that somebody cares. I’d feel okay just having someone to talk to.

Being offline on Facebook also made me focus to my family—nobody beats their love, care and understanding, really. Even if you’re the worst, you are loved. Being with them while I was offline made me feel so loved and complete. It made me realize that when you’re offline, cherish the people who are physically there for you, too.

Thank you also for those who strived to send me messages on Facebook even though I haven’t opened it yet (even now!). It makes me feel like you’re not giving up on me; you want me to stay in your life. It feels a bit lonely if someone wants you out of their life. It hurts, really, but moving on and letting go is part of life so you got to keep a hold of yourself! Though for me, letting go of someone is a hard part for me. I’d rather fight for the person to stay in my life than to let him/her go. Fight for your friendship if you still have the chance!!

And one thing that really made my life during my three months of being offline was this: God made me realize how important it is to need someone. This culture/society is always talking about independence, that we can do this alone, and that you have to be strong because in the end, the only one who can help you is yourself. It’s true; you should really be strong inside. You must take heart. But also, I think it’s grace when somebody needs you. The feeling of being needed is very important. “I need you in my life.” “I need you to do this.” “I need you to go here.” “I need you.” It suddenly struck me that being needed by/needing someone is important because it makes you feel that you exist in their world, or even in this world.

That’s why it made me feel so selfish being offline. What if there are people out there who need me? I’m no superhero, but being there for a person is really something. What if my friends whom I haven’t communicated with a long time need me at those moments when I was offline? I cried upon realizing this (this realization was back in September). But I still didn’t go online because I was scared at what I will see in my inbox and in my timeline. But what is there to be scared of when the fears inside me are only my thoughts and myself and not the people around me?

Okay, I think I’ll go online very soon.

After all, I am not forgotten.

Insights (Part 2)

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This picture is not mine!

This picture is not mine!

Thank you for following my blog post about Frozen! Well, this is only the SECOND so maybe I must type “blog post” instead.  Again, be warned that this post contains SPOILERS. In this post, I’ll focus on Anna! If you weren’t able to read my blog post about Elsa, here is the link: https://whoismaria.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/insights-part-1/

About Anna… Princess Anna of Arandelle. She was the one who lost her bad memory with Elsa. She’s such a happy person. When their parents died, she was the one who supported her sister. I’ll focus on her heroic feats in the movie including her defeat in her love life.

When Anna said “Yes” to the Prince, I was also surprised that she said it right away when he proposed to her. She insisted on her want to marry him so Elsa and she had an argument. She was too excited for the gates to be opened. She was too excited to meet new people and to find true love (ughh… Disney Movies with princesses in it). Oh, well. At times, I’m like her too. I can’t wait. I’m too excited, forgetting that patience is really a virtue not only in love, but also in so many things. I tend to forget that the best things in life are worth waiting for. Look, God waited for us. He’s so patient with us. He doesn’t force us to come back to Him, but instead, He waited. Anna’s attitude also made Kristoff question her sudden feeling of love towards the Prince. It’s funny, but it’s true most especially for us, girls. Such sweet words from a guy can make our heart fall for him right away. It can be true for most of the girls, but of course, I’m not stereotyping my kind. Finding a guy who thinks like you think, who seems to understand you right away, who acts like you do can be easy but love isn’t all about it. Love is unfair in our eyes but not in the Author of Love’s eyes. Okay, I’m sounding like a love guru, and I hate it.

What I loved about the movie is also Anna’s relationship with her sister, Elsa. True love doesn’t always mean a guy and girl relationship. It’s also about your relationship with your family. Love is found in every relationship we have in our life: with our friends, family, relatives, colleague, schoolmates, and even strangers. Anna fought her way through the cold mountain where they found Olaf, the snowman Elsa built when they were still kids that came to life when they’re older. She endured the cold snow to reach her sister’s own-made palace to talk to her. Isn’t that sweet? It’s not your ordinary movie where a princess needs a prince charming to save her. Instead, it was her sister who endured all those hardships.

At the end of the movie, Anna didn’t choose her “true love” over her sister’s life. She chose to save her sister’s life. And when she melted in her sister’s embrace, Olaf said that it’s an act of true love. It made me realize that true love isn’t only about couples. It’s also about your family and friends. After that, Elsa learned to control her “curse”, making it as a “gift” for her and for the people around her. She learned that love is the answer to control it and to be really free: free from the guilt of the past, free from her fear of not being able to control her power, and free from the storm raging in her heart. Love frees us. It warms a cold heart. It saves the day. Love understands. In the end, it is all about love.

Insights (Part 1)

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This picture is not mine

Let me warn you that this post may have SPOILERS. Spoiler alert! If you haven’t watched the film yet, I highly encourage you to watch it first before reading this post. But if you insist, it’s okay with me. It’s your choice. Do I sound angry?

FROZEN! It’s such a great movie not because everybody else watched it. I really hated it when everyone watches a movie and says that it’s so epic, it’s so amazing, it’s so great, and then I’d start watching it too. It feels as if I’m a curious girl who also wants to watch what they watched. It’s just that when I watched the trailer and found lots of snow, I became interested to watch it. I really love winter because I’m a December Baby. So, for this post, let me focus on Elsa.

I was able to relate with Anna’s sister, Elsa, who knows how to cast an “eternal winter” in her should-be kingdom, Arandelle. She always says that it’s a “curse”, not realizing that it can also be a gift. Okay, that sounded like Yellowcard’s “Gifts and Curses”. The part when she built her own kingdom in an isolated place atop the North Mountain, struck my heart. Elsa’s solo was so emotional, it touched my heart. I related myself with her, honestly. Like me, I also built my own kingdom where I thought I can grow, where I think I can control and let go of the storm raging within me.

When people knew that she has powers, they thought she was a monster when the truth is she really isn’t. Anna said, “No, she’s still my sister.” At times, people really think that we’re monsters if we can’t control what’s within us, right? Like when we’re so angry and out of control, we tend to be so frustrated and it’s as if we also become a monster. But someone who knows us better, someone who loves us and understands us won’t say that we’re monsters. That someone will say to you, “No, you are not a monster. You are … *insert your name here*, and you’re not a monster. I know you. I understand you.”

In Elsa’s song, “Let It Go”, there’s a lyrics that said, “I don’t care what they’re going to say”. Sometimes, when we say this, we also have to be extra careful to the freedom we thought we have. I keep saying that to myself too. There’s nothing really wrong with this sentence… except when someone who really cares for you or concerned about you wants you to listen, yet you’re still stuck with your own world, saying “I don’t care what you’re going to say.” When we feel so free, we tend to forget others’ happiness. We tend to be self-centered, thinking that we can do this alone; thinking that we are so powerful and in control of our life. But the truth is, deep inside within us, there’s a storm raging in our hearts. We are so focused on ourselves and on our potentials we forget what’s right and wrong. I don’t know about you, but I’m like that. Yes, it is fun to discover what we can do, but too much of ourselves is too unhealthful for us.

Elsa became too fed up from her past: her parents wanting her to hide her power and her need to hide from her sister for the past not to happen again (to protect her sister from her… so sad). She doesn’t want to cover up anymore, so she started to be “herself”. Another thing, “being yourself” is too dangerous as an advice too. I tried it. I keep failing. I already don’t know who I really am. I don’t know but I became like this as I followed this advice. I found identity in myself ALONE. It’s hard. It keeps you empty when you don’t know where to look for your identity.

Another part of the movie where Elsa and Anna met in Elsa’s Ice Palace, Elsa told Anna that she can’t control the “curse”, and she can’t let go of the fear that she can’t control it. See? At first, she was singing that she CAN. Like she kept singing “Let It Go” but she ended up failing, being worse, and hurting her sister again. Elsa didn’t want to listen to Anna, making her (Elsa) so confused in what to do. She wanted to be free but she can’t. She’s trying to find the answers by being alone, but she really can’t. Anna was the only one who can help her but Elsa’s heart was too “frozen” and cold; she refused to ask for help. She refused to listen. It’s so like me. I tend to refuse to listen to the people who truly care for me, ending up hurting myself and feeling the guilt even more.

Okay, that’s it. This post had too much for Elsa. She’s so awesome and pretty, I want to be like her. Kidding aside! Those were my thoughts about her. Thanks for reading!

Discipline

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I don’t own this image. I copied this from Google Images.

 

Note: Let discipline and correction be the same words in this post. Thank you! 🙂

The word discipline has a lot of thoughts to bring in each mind. But I only have to bring a certain thought about discipline: correcting.

“It is never fun to be corrected. In fact, at time it is always painful. But if we learn to obey by being corrected, we will do it right and live at peace.” (Hebrews 12:11; CEV)

I have three points to share to you about discipline from this verse:

1. DISCIPLINE IS NEVER FUN.

Have you ever seen a person who loves to be disciplined or corrected? If yes, it’s a miracle from God’s grace. It’s cool for that person to love discipline because most of us don’t want to be disciplined or corrected. Being disciplined hurts. It shows our character, and it points out what we’ve become now that we weren’t before. And the change that occurred in us is negative. What hurts us when we’re disciplined? Our feelings towards the person. The usual response of the person corrected is to be offended. We become offended because what they say about us is true. It may be something that you don’t want to show them, yet unintentionally, they noticed it. WE TEND TO LET PEOPLE SEE OUR GOOD SIDE.

2. DISCIPLINE IS A SIGN OF LOVE.

The reason for discipline/correction is love. Why do our parents scold us when we do something wrong? Because they don’t want us to be bad kids. We need to be disciplined. Same with God. He sends us tests and trials because He loves us. “God corrects us for our own good, because he wants us to be holy, as he is.”(Hebrews 12:10; CEV) Be happy and proud that you are corrected/disciplined because it shows that the one who corrected you cares for you. He/she is concerned about you. In Proverbs 27:6 (CEV), “You can trust a friend who corrects you, but kisses from an enemy are nothing but lies.” Of course it’s better to hear the truth from a friend than hear a lie from the enemy, right?

3. OBEDIENCE: OUR RESPONSE TO DISCIPLINE.

One corrects the other for the other to become a better person. It’s for his/her own good, not for the one who disciplines. In Hebrews 12:11, “… But if we learn to obey by being corrected, we will do right and live at peace.” Obedience is something learned. Before learning a lesson fully, it’s not something learned in one-sitting. We have to go through it again and again. So be prepared for more painful lessons of obedience through discipline in this life.

Remember that God has given us free will. All of us have the right to choose what we believe is right. We need to have strong convictions about what we believe in, because in the end, it’s still our choice. Whether we accept the correction given to us or not, it is up to us. When it comes to God’s discipline in our lives, remember that we are created according to His image. He doesn’t want us to bear another’s image because He was the One who created us, not people. He is our Heavenly Father, correcting us out of His love for us.

For HYDE <3

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It was Hyde’s birthday yesterday, January 29, 2013! Aww~ He was 40 years old since he became my ultimate crush. Sorry, Hyde, I wasn’t able to celebrate your birthday yesterday. :))

How did he become my crush? I was at Cavite that time, at my relative’s house, playing with my cousin’s iTouch. I was amazed that I could actually surf the internet there (I was so innocent that I wasn’t known to Wi-Fi that time). Because of my amazement and curiosity, I opened Youtube and typed “Kawaii” at the search bar. The second result’s title was “HYDE is Kawaii”. I thought, “Hyde? Uhm.. HYDE? He’s the handsome guy that my brother introduced me! Hmm.. Is he really that handsome?”. I checked it out because I wanted to prove that my crush that time, SHUN OGURI, was more handsome than that HYDE whom my brother introduced to me (though he said that Hyde looks like gay).

When I paused the video to let it buffer, my heart throbbed. I was excited, I don’t know why. I touched the “PLAY” button of the video player at Youtube… Then.. While watching… I WAS ACTUALLY MESMERIZED WITH HIS PLAYFULNESS AND WACKINESS AND SMILE AND EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM~ ❤ :)) He was sooo handsome. I like guys who seem quiet, yet so loud and playful. I told myself, “Darn, Hyde, you are soo handsome.”

I became addicted to him… *coughs. I mean, I continued searching about his favorites, about his life and everything. I started to become a fan of his band, L’Arc~en~Ciel. It started last May 2008 (estimated date), if I’m not mistaken. I consider Hyde as my very first ultimate crush because I cried when I learned that he was married to someone (Oishi Megumi), and actually had a child. I didn’t know! :)) His looks were so deceiving. Haha~ But I am so proud of him because he pursued and was married to his CRUSH. ❤

To HYDE:
Even if you may not see this message I have for you.. Happy happy birthday to you. Keep inspiring people through the songs you make with L’Arc~en~Ciel and VAMPS. Thank you because you have inspired me since I was 12 years old. Please stop smoking. It’s bad to your health. But it’s still up to you, anyway. You know what, I almost matched myself with your behavior and face expressions (duck face!!) on and off cam. :)) I also want to say that I really love your voice. You are one of the people who inspired me the most to sing. Thank you, Hyde! May God continuously bless you and your family, and may He also give you the strength you need to face each and every day. I soooo love you! Haha~ ❤ Belated Happy birthday!

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Credits to the rightful owner of this picture.. I LOVE THIS GUY

 

Caught Between His Arms

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Have you ever felt confused? Feeling like you’re lost, not knowing where to go? Heart throbbing, harder breathing… Is that how it feels? If it’s so, I have felt that, and I’m feeling that now.

But you know what? All of this is a lie. A fantasy. A reality? It could be, because we’re in a real “world where happy-ever-afters don’t exist” (a not-so-exact line from Enchanted). A modern world that was perverted, and still it is being done, maybe more perverted now. Should we conform to this world? To the pattern of this cruel, very cruel world?

Now that He has caught us in His arms “as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings” (Matthew 23:37), should we still hold back from this love that He offers to us? Isn’t His love enough for this crooked heart and mind of ours? This confusion in our head, is mere confusion. It doesn’t make any difference in the world we live in. We may say that justice still isn’t served in this world. We may say that acceptance isn’t found in anyone’s hearts in this present day. It’s our own mind that says all of these things. But what about God? What can He say about this cruel world where we live?

Isn’t it so beautiful to think that despite of this cruel world, God has “set eternity in the human heart” (Ecc. 3:11). There’s this piece of peace in us, piece of joy, a piece of beauty found in us. Search from within. “Your heart will always be where your treasure is.” (Matt. 6:21). Find time. Take time. God has given us 24 hours a day, and isn’t it enough to search from within?

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via yes-and-amen.tumblr.com

When you feel lost and confused, remember : “Stay put. He’s holding you in His arms. Feel Him. Be silent.”

A Christmas Blog Entry : YOU MATTER

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Not because it’s Christmas, I’ll post something about Christmas (though it’s not Christmas day anymore). I greeted Merry Christmas once only out of my will, not because I was pushed to do so because someone greeted me. Anyway,  I badly wanted to make a blog entry again because it’s been weeks since I last made a blog entry here.

I’ve been reading this book by Philip Yancey entitled “The Bible Jesus Read” and I’m so glad that God led me to read that book again. I attempted to read it, but I stopped because I haven’t read the book of Job (which is not an excuse, but I wanted to understand what I was reading anyway). Why did I open up this topic about the book? Because I learned a lot from it! God has so many revelations about Him, and I’m so glad.

God loves us so much. Don’t take His love for granted. He has emotions. God is also a Person. He created us so it’s possible that He understands us fully. And He’s the BEST One Who can understand us. While reading the second to the last chapter of the book, I cried because of too much joy and love that I felt about Him. The second to the last chapter talks about the books of the Prophets in the Old Testament of the Bible. I got the idea of the author that God speaks through the prophets. But I don’t have to give you the idea about the prophets that look and sound weird for most people. I wrote this blog entry to let you know that YOU MATTER to God.

Christmas talks about Jesus’ birth. It’s not that I’m saying I don’t believe in Christmas or what, but I believe in the birth of a Savior. Why did God sent His one and only Son for us? He knew that we needed acceptance and forgiveness from the sins we did from the beginning. “Jesus” or Yeshua (His Hebrew Name) humbled Himself and became human like us, not a God like Father. He would’ve chosen to kill the soldiers all at once, but He chose to be killed, to be tortured. The line by the deceiver in the movie (though it may not be the exact words), “Passion of the Christ” struck me, “No man has ever endured the burden of sin.” He (Yeshua) chose to “let His Father’s will be done” unto Him. Instead of us enduring the burden of sin (which leads to DEATH), He did it for us. He came for that.

I remembered what our Senior Pastor said during a service, “When Jesus was 2 years old, I wonder if He already knows what will happen to Him in the end.”. I pondered on that thought. I think He knows it already. It’s hard to know that your future leads to such a cruel death, but He chose to do it for us. It’s not really ABOUT US, but it’s always ABOUT GOD. He may have did it for us, but He did it really for God. A Father sacrificed His own Son to die for sinners : killers, rapists, cheaters, liars, wicked people, proud, every dirty kind of thought you could think of a human being.

When you court someone you like (for girls, please bear with me), you don’t want to be rejected. Who wants to be rejected, right? But God accepts every hurt and pain He receives from us. HE HAS NEVER GIVEN UP ON US. He has made every impossible way to bring us back to Him, even giving His Son for us. Who would even sacrifice his son for a group of people who would soon persecute him (the son)? He’s none other than God.

His grace abounds in our lives, in the whole universe. Are you ready to be soaked in His presence and in His grace forever?

As he explains through Isaiah, he has no choice: if a world refuses to learn righteousness through grace, he must resort to punishment.

-Philip Yancey