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(Almost) Three Months

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via 1000 Things to be Grateful for in Life (http://bit.ly/2A14YGP)

via 1000 Things to be Grateful for In Life (http://bit.ly/2A14YGP)

I just want to start this post with a greeting: Happy Thanksgiving Day! I didn’t realize it until I checked my phone calendar because it has US holidays saved. And the feature image is a coincidence as I only chanced to save it from Google images via 1000 Things to be Grateful for in Life, a blog, too. 😀 Now back to my original post…

The thought may be cliché but I really do not know how to start this blog post. After two years, I decided to post here again. I have been thinking what to post, but because I haven’t been online in my Facebook account for almost 3 months, I thought it would be good to post my thoughts here again. Being away for three months on Facebook is not a long time but when you get used to being online every day for hours, you know how long it feels.

Let me start with my apologies. I am sorry. If you are one of my friends reading this, and you felt I’ve abandoned you because I haven’t replied to you through Facebook as that is the only way to reach out to me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I also felt selfish for being away from Facebook, not even posting something at my wall, telling you that I will be away I do not know for how long. But know this: I have been itching to ask how you’re doing—if you’re well, if you’re having problems, if you’re having a good time with your life now. I couldn’t stand not asking my friends how they’re doing because I’m afraid to be forgotten. I’m afraid that they might think I do not care. I’m afraid that they might think I am such a bad friend. I am not even a good friend, I think. I have my own flaws, anyway. But thank you if you think otherwise.

I am sorry for feeling so afraid if I cannot reply to group chats right away. I sometimes feel unwanted in a group; as if my opinions won’t matter so I’d choose to keep myself away. And I am sorry for not responding quickly. Sometimes I’d get too anxious seeing who sent me a message, especially if it’s someone I haven’t talked to for a long time.

Being away from Facebook, I felt like I did not exist within those span of months. I felt like I did not exist in the “digital world” where everybody goes day in and day out. It felt like I have been left out of some people’s lives just being offline because Facebook equates their lives.

It’s also somehow sad to see how people depend on Facebook nowadays. It’s hard saying this as I am thinking on how to actually communicate to my relatives and friends abroad without Facebook (WE HAVE E-MAILS! But Facebook, of course, is easier and more accessible…?). I am also thinking on how to promote your businesses/projects without Facebook. So, really, being dependent on Facebook is not an issue, I guess. But what’s bad is that when it comes to social gatherings, when you are finally face to face with the people you’re socializing with online, it gets a bit awkward already. Maybe that’s the bad thing about being online all the time: you tend to lose the art of listening and/or oral communication because now, you’re the best in communicating through typewritten words, not to mention through emojis, too.

I know I still have tons of reasons to apologize for, but they seem to get lost somewhere in my brain when I start typing my thoughts for this post. So let me now start with my gratitude! For those who still send me texts messages and really make the effort to know my number, thank you. For those who send me messages on Twitter (because it’s my go-to social media account aside from Facebook wehehehe), thank you very much! Whenever a friend sends me a text message or a direct message in this time of being offline on Facebook, you don’t know how much it touches my heart that somebody is thoughtful enough to ask how I’m doing. I also feel so happy when you just simply tell me stories about your day! I’d sometimes cry (yep, I’m that sensitive) and say, “Hey! I’m okay!” because I’d realize that somebody cares. I’d feel okay just having someone to talk to.

Being offline on Facebook also made me focus to my family—nobody beats their love, care and understanding, really. Even if you’re the worst, you are loved. Being with them while I was offline made me feel so loved and complete. It made me realize that when you’re offline, cherish the people who are physically there for you, too.

Thank you also for those who strived to send me messages on Facebook even though I haven’t opened it yet (even now!). It makes me feel like you’re not giving up on me; you want me to stay in your life. It feels a bit lonely if someone wants you out of their life. It hurts, really, but moving on and letting go is part of life so you got to keep a hold of yourself! Though for me, letting go of someone is a hard part for me. I’d rather fight for the person to stay in my life than to let him/her go. Fight for your friendship if you still have the chance!!

And one thing that really made my life during my three months of being offline was this: God made me realize how important it is to need someone. This culture/society is always talking about independence, that we can do this alone, and that you have to be strong because in the end, the only one who can help you is yourself. It’s true; you should really be strong inside. You must take heart. But also, I think it’s grace when somebody needs you. The feeling of being needed is very important. “I need you in my life.” “I need you to do this.” “I need you to go here.” “I need you.” It suddenly struck me that being needed by/needing someone is important because it makes you feel that you exist in their world, or even in this world.

That’s why it made me feel so selfish being offline. What if there are people out there who need me? I’m no superhero, but being there for a person is really something. What if my friends whom I haven’t communicated with a long time need me at those moments when I was offline? I cried upon realizing this (this realization was back in September). But I still didn’t go online because I was scared at what I will see in my inbox and in my timeline. But what is there to be scared of when the fears inside me are only my thoughts and myself and not the people around me?

Okay, I think I’ll go online very soon.

After all, I am not forgotten.