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Real Junior Now

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Real Junior Now

Yesterday, I went to a meeting with a curator, Miss Dayang Yraola along with some friends-slash-blockmates for an arts project as our internship. INTERNSHIP. I will be having an internship already! I can’t “somehow” believe that I’m an intern now because I am only an eighteen-year old yet I’ll be working with art projects, international artists, and curators. It’s exciting because it makes me feel like I will be a legit arts manager soon.The meeting was held in the organization’s office at Escolta, so going there from our house through commuting was a bit hassle for me because I have to choose between two options: ride the FX to Quiapo then walk to Escolta, or ride the FX to SM North EDSA, ride a jeep to LRT, then simply ride the LRT to Carriedo. I chose Option A. I love adventures, and the first option saves more money than the second one.

I wasn’t lost. I was able to go to Escolta safely without a friend, and I walked towards the location with the (guessing) knowledge of how to go there from Quiapo church. Plus, I wasn’t late for the meeting-slash-lecture! Throughout the meeting, I learned more about the art project where I will be be a part of, the tasks that I will be soon accomplishing and crowd funding. I realized that I need to know what I really can do and what I want in life because my learning ground won’t be the school anymore sooner. I lived long enough in my fantasy, not in the reality where I must be living. But I guess I need to live in my fantasy now and then to keep myself inspired.

Going to school with my friends-slash-blockmates, we rode the LRT altogether. Aren’t we sweet? Anyway, we met our (kind and probably an awesome) professor from our TECWRI (Technical Writing for Arts Management) class. We were late for almost an hour, and she dismissed the class earlier than the usual time (it should’ve been 17:40, but we were dismissed at almost 16:10).

I’ll have another blog post for personal reflections during that particular day. Please do get ready for a semi-artsy blog post every week. I’ve been gone for a long time now. I apologize. I was too lazy to open my blog and post random stuff again. Someday soon, I’ll post about my personal life, like how I’ve been doing these days. Thank you for continuously reading my blog posts! If you are fond of poems and personal sentiments, feel free to follow or read my posts in my other blog, mournwithtears.wordpress.com. God bless!

What’s With July?

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this picture is not MINE

Now that I am back with my head up, I am being active in my social network accounts again (Facebook and Twitter to be specific… is WordPress counted?). What happened last July? Why wasn’t I active? I said it in my recent post https://whoismaria.wordpress.com/2013/06/30/adios/.

How did I seek Him? I actually forgot HOW to seek Him. I started again like what I did before. I read books about Him. I read a book entitled “It’s OK To Be Not OK” by Rev. Rico Villanueva. I committed to read that book for the whole month of July, but gladly finished it before the end of July so I started reading another book (but it took me days to get over thinking about my insights from “It’s OK To Be Not OK”). Reading that book made me realize that what I feel (worried, down, sad, almost depressed and depressed) is OK because I am not alone. It is not okay when those “negative” emotions would really BE negative. God uses our emotions as human beings to glorify Him too.

How can He be glorified when we doubt and be sad? We get closer to Him by praying. I actually realized that if we feel like He’s not there, CONGRATULATIONS. It means that we really felt His presence and believed that He’s there even for a little while. We will never recognize nor appreciate His presence if we never felt His absence. We won’t be sad over the absence of something if we do not need it, anyway.

I spent my July with sadness and gladness, with confidence and pity, with hope and grace, and with faith and doubt. I became inactive in my congregation. When I attended services, I didn’t sing praises to Him because I doubted Him. I kept questioning His existence. I prayed without my personal self indulging in it. I forgot how to be passionate in Him, believing that everything I did to Him were all lies. I thought that what I did before, spending time with Him, reading my Bible alone in my room, etc. is all because I was told to do so. I thought that my heart wasn’t really in accord with my actions. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.

What I learned is that He’s always there. Like what I realized while having a good conversation with a friend, God lets us go through certain situations in life, may it be good or bad in our own opinion, for US to change and not for HIM to change. He never changes, anyway. He wants us to be open to Him, to let us go to Him in our worst state, to be US. He understands. I suddenly remembered a certain scene in the Bible (Old Testament) when God changed His mind in destroying Israel because of Moses. I believe that He’s always moved with our faith. I don’t want to state things that may be a lie but I think (this is only FOR ME) God’s blind spot is a person’s faith. I can’t explain it, but it seems like it.

Anyway, God molds us for a new level of faith. I had gone through such a tough season in my life, and I thank God because He promised victory for me. He promised that I will not always be in the deep because He wants me to go up again, to climb again to where the broken and hurt people are to testify how good He has been to me. He let me experience hurt and pain to connect with the same people who got hurt. He let me experience situations in my life so that I could relate myself with those people who are undergoing what I went through.

Like what a friend of mine prayed for me, “She will get back up stronger, God.” I’m still that girl who kept wearing a smile even when the days are dark. I felt that I wasn’t that girl anymore, but God helped me to get back up on my feet again to encourage people. I am going back to the battlefield, preparing to respond differently in life’s challenges. Surely, I cannot do this alone. I need His grace to conquer the battle within me. Now, I’m starting again. He gave me another day to experience His love and grace in my life. He gave me another day as another chance to change for the better.

Hello, August!

Adios

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This is my first and last post for the month of June (duhh, it’s June 30). I wasn’t around here for a long time (for me) already, and I will not surf the internet out of boredom on the month of July. I will not be open for chats or text messages on July, but be focusing a lot on Him. I need time. I need the whole month of July to seek Him because I’m in the brink of unbelief (?) in a lot of things. This is no drama or what, but for me, this is something serious. It’s like a matter of life and death (okay, I’m somehow exaggerating on that one).

Thank you for my new and old followers (pertaining not to the age… okay) in this blog of mine. I really appreciate you, and you make me feel like I should post more about God. But because of personal matters, I wasn’t able to post and post and post lots of blog posts here. Sorry for being too busy at school, and being too busy over thinking about lots of things.

Thank you for taking your time to read this. By the way, I’m currently enjoying pepper.ph (a food blog) nowadays. I want to share it to you (especially if you are a Filipino). That’s something new about me.

I still believe in Him, don’t worry folks. :)) I only want to spend my time for Him. And the reason behind this post is to inform you that I won’t be around surfing the internet (a picture of a beach suddenly popped out of my mind) for the whole month of July, so please don’t expect me to be active starting tomorrow (July 01, 2013). Thank you so much. 🙂

I’m also suggesting for you to read my friend’s blog: http://yanroferrer.blogspot.com/ (Soli Deo Gloria), since I won’t be around here for so long. I’d also encourage him to continue posting in his blog, because as young as he is, his words and thoughts about Him are so deep, and I found it cool.

ADIOS.

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