“Rediscover You” is a title of a song played by a Contemporary Christian band named Starfield. I really like that song because it reminds me of the times I experience when I feel so lost, especially when I simply feel exhausted and down, like no one is there (even God) to help me out of this trouble I got myself into.
For these past few days, I have been feeling so burned out in school. Not only in school, but I am sure that there’s something that keeps me burned out for long now. Bad things happened in school, and the worst is that I don’t even know what to do about it (what I know is to pray for it). Then a loved one of mine died. That’s how my week went last week. I didn’t even understand my Math lessons (which made me frustrated), and we will be having three major quizzes about Politics and Governance on Tuesday (along with the Math lesson I didn’t understand a bit), wherein my reviewer was lost. Okay. It happened for only two days. And then, I also felt condemned with what I was doing lately. I wasn’t reading the Word that much anymore, and it’s because I didn’t want to. Am I becoming stubborn already? Did my isolation with people around me gave me this status or condition in the present? I simply hate feeling like this (who would even want this kind of feeling).
You know that kind of feeling when you think you are doing the right thing, yet people around you sound or think as if it’s the wrong thing that’s why you feel so bad about what you’re doing? That’s how I feel these past few weeks. I am not even sure if I really am hearing from God. I haven’t been so sure ever since last two months, honestly. I feel like crying all the time, and if you would permit me, I would cry all day. I’m sure God hears me every day. But I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m sure this is a lie, but why is it that I still run in circles, not getting out of this mess in my life?
I believe that He’s still with me though I’m experiencing this. I believe that I need a little faith to believe in Him more this time; a new level of faith. It’s painful. It’s painful to be molded by God. You know what is also painful in this process? CHANGE. If you have to let go of things, you have to, so that God may completely change what is needed to be changed in you. Don’t force Him to remove “that” something needed to be surrendered or else you’ll be hurt. Just imagine a child who hugs his favorite teddy bear but was snatched by someone who knows him best for his good. A child won’t understand the situation, but that “someone” understands. So why not let go anyway?
“Rediscover You” also talks about rediscovering Him like it was the first time you surrendered to Him. That day when you totally surrendered to Him upon knowing who He truly was in your life, you let go of yourself. He is continuously giving us chances to let go of the things He needs us to let go of. As what I read in a picture last time, “Don’t pick up what God wants you to put down.” Admit it, if we’re too attached to something, it really is hard to let go. That’s why we have to be careful on how we are living today. How we live today determines how we are going to be tomorrow. Our habits mold our character (an idea from Joyce Meyer).
Right now, I seriously and honestly want to surrender EVERYTHING to Him again. I seriously and honestly want to be EMPTIED by Him. I want to learn how to be satisfied in Him alone, trusting Him alone, and to focus fully to Him. I’ve always wanted someone to talk to. I believe that God has provided people for us to talk to, not only Him. Why did He create Eve if He knew that Adam can live alone? He created people who will support us along the way. Don’t live alone. He knows that we are too weak to live alone. Admit that YOU ARE WEAK.
Thank you very much for taking your time to read this entry. I actually cried while typing out the words in this entry. 🙂 For you, the reader of this entry, it is a help to me already. I just need a helping hand this time. Thank you~ ❤